Cocaine

Put away your blades, mirrors, and straws... Cocaine will be coming to your local dealer (convenience store) soon! The new energy drink claims to be 350% (3.5 times) stronger than Red Bull. And for those who think Red Bull tastes likes cough syrup, Cocaine promises not to be sickly sweet. Instead, it is supposed to taste like a "carbonated atomic fireball." Other addictive, uh, attractive, benefits include:

• a throat-numbing ingredient to imitate the real thing
• a 5-hour high with NO crash afterwards
  
• a retailer is only referred to as a "dealer"
• one-third of a case is called an "8 Ball"
  

Cocaine just hit the shelves in select New York and California establishments. The website promises the rest of us will be able to purchase via amazon.com very soon.